So, some more news....

Today hasn't been the best or worst day, however I am certainly not feeling too chipper.

I went to see my doctor for test results for my wrist and about a possible infection. My wrist has a ganglion that can stay where it is if I want to leave it there. I will leave it there unless it starts to cause me pain. Perhaps I will try some light therapy I was told about. I don't have an infection, so that is good too. :D

The not so good part of the day is that my CT scan found another lymph node that is enlarged. So my family doctor is calling my surgeon so we can get a surgery date to take it out. Yippee.
Double yippee, my cancer is considered metastasized. They can only identify it as present in my lymp node that was removed in Novemeber, but that doesn't mean that there aren't cells elsewhere. So next week when I go to see the Oncologist I will have a nice sheet of paper with a pile of questions to ask in regards to my future, or lack thereof.
I wasn't feeling too bad about things until I dragged out a book on breast cancer and started reading. The reading has depressed me but at least I have a bunch of questions I wouldn't otherwise have had to take in with me. I am worried about what my life is going to be like in the next few weeks. The next year. There is certainly going to be treatment recommendations and I just don't know what I am going to do.

This is such a bad time to be delivering bad news to family and friends. With the holiday season fully upon us I don't want to stress people out when they are supposed to be having a good time. A great-aunt is dying from breast cancer right now, no one knows how much longer she will be with us as she is receiving basically comfort measures right now. I don't want to die from breast cancer, I don't want to die young. I just don't want to worry others, I am worried enough.

There are certainly things I want to do and see and experience, and now I am worried I won't have enough time. I am worried about my cat losing me. About all my crap in my house and who might have to sort through it all, and how hard it will be for them. I want to throw everything out. Just keep the favorites and the bare necessities. That way no one has to clean up my mess. LOL. I am worried about my family and friends missing me and having a hard time with my death if I go before they do. And I am worried barely anyone will notice I am gone.
But this is all worry, not fact, not yet.

I don't want to make myself weak by taking treatments that might only prolong my life, but not improve it, but actually take away quality of life for the time have left, however long that time may or not be. I don't want healthy parts damaged just to add a couple of months to my life, a couple of months that may not be very enjoyable due to pain or sickness.
However I don't want to miss the chance of living longer. What to do....

I won't have a chance to discuss these things with my Oncologist until next week. I just hope that I can handle work this weekend, as I will be working night shifts. Nothing like night shifts to cause me to loose sleep, and then add thinking about all of this....I hope I am able to nap during the daytime. :D

So this is what I am thinking about as I am heading off to bed.
Sweet dreams.