All morning and so far this afternoon my feet have been cold. I had chicken noodle soup and it only warmed me up for a few minutes and then back to being cold. Grrr. We are in the middle of a spring snow event, there is a lot of snow on the ground already and there is more to come. Some reports say up to a total of 100 cm by the time this system moves on. LOL but we need the moisture so badly I certainly won't complain. It is so beautiful out there, but the roads are wicked. I will take some pictures of the piles later, and I will have to shovel my car out today some time since I have a lab appointment at 8am tomorrow morning and I would prefer not having to fight my way to the car and into the car that early in the morning. As it is, there will be more by then anyhow, but I should get a small jump on things now before its really bad (ok, its really bad already LOL).
I don't know why my feet have been cold, they have been like that off and on for the past few days. Probably chemo side effects, as I am having other side effects that are really ticking me off. The biggest problem lately has been my stomach again. No nausea, although some days I would welcome puking, but I feel like I have eaten a huge Christmas dinner, all day, almost every day. And yet I have hardly eaten anything. I have tried all sorts of things to make it stop, including the medication I was prescribed, and none of it is working. Even fluids aren't good, but bread or other carbs seem to be the worst. And I have been sooooo tired and weak this past week. I had treatment 4 part 1 Monday the 14th and part 2 will be tomorrow on the 21st. I am not looking forward to feeling like shit again, not that I haven't felt like shit all week, but I don't want to get worse. Thursday I have an appointment in Calgary with my surgeon and then I might have a better idea of where things are headed. I don't know yet if I am looking at more chemo first or straight to surgery after this last treatment. On the one hand I don't want the surgery yet, but I also don't want anymore chemo either.
I want my life, my routine back to normal! I miss work and earning my paycheque. I am trying really hard to keep busy but with the fatigue its really been hard.
Ok, a little more griping: I sick of my neighbors, they are always banging stuff and dropping stuff on the floor or something. I am tired of people being lazy and throwing their cigarette butts in my yard, get an ash tray! or eat them. Disgusting! My car is making strange noises and is burning oil, I think it may be the fuel pump going as the car keeps hesitating when I give it gas.
Now for the good stuff:
I love the snow. I love my cat and don't know what I would do without her. I am thankful for my family and friends. I think the angel fish I got a little bit ago are cool but they need some company in the tank, I love watching them and so does Freya. I bought some flowering plants just before the snow hit and they are beautiful sitting in my living room, and the fern I got is really cute.
Ok, I think I am going to go put some socks on now. :D
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
The Bad and The Good
So first the Bad.
Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine from high school passed away. She was my first roommate, a friend, a coworker and then we lost touch. Recently, through Facebook we connected again and got chatting a bit. We even met for supper while I was in Calgary for radiation in last September.
It was after radiation was finished and I was home that Lauryl told me that she had cancer again. She had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma twice in her early twenties and the radiation treatments had caused a secondary cancer: lung cancer with a tumor around her aorta. We talked a lot about what the doctors had found and what their recommended courses of action might be. I hope what little support I could give was helpful for her. She recently had radiation to settle things down I guess, because since we talked about it in the fall, sometime since after the new year it had spread to her bones. She went on a trip to Disneyland in March with her family and then started chemo about a week ago (the 28th I believe). I know she was in a lot of pain but was hoping that she would have more time. I hadn't heard from her for a while so on 1st April I sent her a message on Facebook and figured I give her a week to resopond and then call her on the phone. She died on the 2nd of April. A mutual friend of ours, Nat, called me yesterday right after talking to Lauryl's mom to let me know she had passed away. Nat is my longest friend, she is the only highschool friend I've had consistent contact with since highschool ended. And Nat and Lauryl were very close back then, they attended the same highschool together, where I went to a different one.
I can't believe she died so quickly, and despite the fact that life had moved us apart over time I am still going to miss her and I am deeply saddened by her passing. I have been very easy to cry since I got the news, and anxious today, this has scared me since I am still fighting my cancer. It scares me that I might go that fast. I have things to do, like clean/clear my house, cuz I don't want to leave all that work for my family to take care of (for one thing). But I have so many other things I want to do like travel and read and learn and dance and...LIVE.
May you have peace and be pain free Lauryl, we will all miss you.
So now a little bit of Good.
I went to a ballet tonight, The Phantom of the Opera by the Atlantic Ballet Theatre of Canada, with my best friend Shonna. There was a wine tasting with masquerade before the show, it was great. There were a few people dressed up on stilts and masks, they were probably 11 ft tall with these tiny, tiny little feet. But they walked around and swooped people with their cloaks, they would stand still propped against a wall or pillar and then move, so at first you might think they were statues but there were people under the costuming and masks. I got swooped a few times, it was fun :D
I tried out 4 wines, the wine tasting was that you got an ounce of a wine and then you could go for a different one. You bought food and wine tickets and got to have a plate of hors d'oeuvres and an empty wine glass to take to the wine tables for a taste of 4 wines at each table. The best one I had was a Spanish wine, and it was the most expensive one lol but thats ok. The other tables were from France, Germany and Italy. I had all reds and I liked the German wine the second best. The food was great, very good nibblies.
Now for the show. The show was great, very interesting, wonderful concept and the music was very appropriate. The flow of the story was done very nicely and the set work was minimal but full of impact. The use of the 3-sided panels that had different faces on each side were great, and so was the final curtain backdrop and the use of projected images several times.
So for a great evening I must say a big Thank You to Shonna as it was her treat to go tonight. It was a great diversion from the bad news and was a great time for another new experience!
Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine from high school passed away. She was my first roommate, a friend, a coworker and then we lost touch. Recently, through Facebook we connected again and got chatting a bit. We even met for supper while I was in Calgary for radiation in last September.
It was after radiation was finished and I was home that Lauryl told me that she had cancer again. She had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma twice in her early twenties and the radiation treatments had caused a secondary cancer: lung cancer with a tumor around her aorta. We talked a lot about what the doctors had found and what their recommended courses of action might be. I hope what little support I could give was helpful for her. She recently had radiation to settle things down I guess, because since we talked about it in the fall, sometime since after the new year it had spread to her bones. She went on a trip to Disneyland in March with her family and then started chemo about a week ago (the 28th I believe). I know she was in a lot of pain but was hoping that she would have more time. I hadn't heard from her for a while so on 1st April I sent her a message on Facebook and figured I give her a week to resopond and then call her on the phone. She died on the 2nd of April. A mutual friend of ours, Nat, called me yesterday right after talking to Lauryl's mom to let me know she had passed away. Nat is my longest friend, she is the only highschool friend I've had consistent contact with since highschool ended. And Nat and Lauryl were very close back then, they attended the same highschool together, where I went to a different one.
I can't believe she died so quickly, and despite the fact that life had moved us apart over time I am still going to miss her and I am deeply saddened by her passing. I have been very easy to cry since I got the news, and anxious today, this has scared me since I am still fighting my cancer. It scares me that I might go that fast. I have things to do, like clean/clear my house, cuz I don't want to leave all that work for my family to take care of (for one thing). But I have so many other things I want to do like travel and read and learn and dance and...LIVE.
May you have peace and be pain free Lauryl, we will all miss you.
So now a little bit of Good.
I went to a ballet tonight, The Phantom of the Opera by the Atlantic Ballet Theatre of Canada, with my best friend Shonna. There was a wine tasting with masquerade before the show, it was great. There were a few people dressed up on stilts and masks, they were probably 11 ft tall with these tiny, tiny little feet. But they walked around and swooped people with their cloaks, they would stand still propped against a wall or pillar and then move, so at first you might think they were statues but there were people under the costuming and masks. I got swooped a few times, it was fun :D
I tried out 4 wines, the wine tasting was that you got an ounce of a wine and then you could go for a different one. You bought food and wine tickets and got to have a plate of hors d'oeuvres and an empty wine glass to take to the wine tables for a taste of 4 wines at each table. The best one I had was a Spanish wine, and it was the most expensive one lol but thats ok. The other tables were from France, Germany and Italy. I had all reds and I liked the German wine the second best. The food was great, very good nibblies.
Now for the show. The show was great, very interesting, wonderful concept and the music was very appropriate. The flow of the story was done very nicely and the set work was minimal but full of impact. The use of the 3-sided panels that had different faces on each side were great, and so was the final curtain backdrop and the use of projected images several times.
So for a great evening I must say a big Thank You to Shonna as it was her treat to go tonight. It was a great diversion from the bad news and was a great time for another new experience!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Its been another long road since last year
So let me get everyone caught up since last October.
October saw my health issues continue, just in a little bit different manner. The spot that showed up during radiation finally was removed and confirmed to be more cancer. Not all of it was removed at the time so I ended up with surgery where a lumpectomy was performed on my left breast. The pathology was good in that margins were clear. I asked about chemo again and was told that it wasn't something the doctor was thinking was necessary.
In November my Grandfather had a fall that put him in the hospital, but he didn't break anything thankfully. However he was in a lot of pain, and it ended with his passing a couple weeks after the fall. The funeral was pretty big, got to see a lot of family that I hadn't seen in a very long time. Saw others who I didn't recognize but they knew who I was, as is often the case when we have gatherings like this. I got to carry my Grandfather home in my lap after the funeral, he was cremated and due to the time of year he will be interred when the weather is nicer. When he got home we set him in his easy chair for a few hours and then he was set upon the entertainment center where he could keep his eye on both the living room and the kitchen and not miss any part of the activity at the house.
I didn't realize how much I miss him until my Grandma came to visit this past week, and he wasn't with her. But I am glad that I got to spend so much time with him last summer when I went down for those few days to help out while my Grandma went into the hospital for some surgery.
Also in November I went to Regina's Tribal Fest again. It was great. We got to try out so much and the performance was great. Did a little bit of shopping that was also good. I am looking forward to the next one.
Another November event was starting work again. It felt so good to have a routine again, and to be earning a real pay cheque. I started at South Country Village again, I love working with seniors and working as a Nurse's Aide. I was also reinstated at Next Step after much difficulty, however it was only on a casual basis. I got one shift in November with them.
December brought more health concerns as another spot showed up in my skin and I also consulted with a surgical oncologist in Calgary to see about bilateral mastectomy surgery as prevention for future recurrences. Had a good consult with the doctor, made an appointment to see a plastic surgeon as it was looking like I might need a skin graft to close part of the area that would be removed.
Christmas/Yule was good, quiet. Spent with family here in town. New Years was also good as I went with my Dad and sister Jennifer to Pincher Creek to see my Aunt Bonnie. We had a good 3 day visit, saw the mountains a bit and the countryside. Took lots of pictures. It was great to visit with my aunt and to see the mountains, its only been 20 years since I was in the Rockies, even if we were just on the edge of them (stopped at Castle Mountain Ski Resort).
I also was hired with REDI this month, accepted a full-time position working with various clients, taking them out for events and appointments etc. But I didn't get any hours for December, but the position would start in January. I was finding the physicality of the job at the nursing home too much for me right now and I had to make a change. This is unfortunate, but necessary for my physical well-being right now.
January brought another trip to Calgary for feedback from my surgical oncologist as there are more skin metastases on my left breast/axilla area. Some biopsies were performed and then I just had to wait for results. But I knew what it would say. I was right. More cancer, in the breast and the skin and at least one lymphnode. So it was planned that I would have a mastectomy of the left breast ASAP. Had a consult with a plastic surgeon (the original was booked for Feb but I got in to see him a few days after my meeting with the surgical oncologist. Surgery was booked for early Feb.
January brought the start of work with my new job at REDI. It was a busy month and it was great to experience that variety of the work.
**oh and can I tell you how angry I was at this point? I was angry enough to spit nails and then some. I am still angry, but not as bad as I was in January and early Feb. **
February brought me a flurry of phone calls with many members of my "medical team". It also spelled the end of my schedule, as I had to take leave from work until we determined how my treatment would progress as surgery was booked for the 8th of Feb/08.
Five days before the surgery I was informed that I may not be getting my surgery yet. So Tuesday 5 Feb/08 I met with my local oncologist to discuss what was going on. The recommendation was that I do chemotherapy first then surgery as was discussed by the Tumor Board in Calgary (he and my surgical oncologist are both members, among other doctors). So I decided to go with the chemo and then the surgery afterwards, whenever that may be.
So on 6 Feb/08 I had my first chemo treament of a new set of drugs that will be administered on a 3 week cycle again, but will entail a treatment on Day 1 and Day 8 of 21. Then it will all start over again at the end of the 3 weeks.
Two weeks after the first treatment my hair fell out, it had been slowly falling out for a few days and I had hoped to make it through the weekend before going to get it shaved off. But I shouldn't have waited, on Monday I had a coffee date for 2 pm and when I went to wash my hair it all clumped up on my head and I couldn't get it to loosen or anything. The next thing I knew I was literally pulling my hair out. After 5 minutes of leaning over the tub I decided to take a look and let me just say, I looked like I was a 90 year old woman as I had maybe about 200 hairs left all over my head! If it hadn't been for the fact that I have been bald before I probably would've freaked out. As it was I wasn't exactly happy about it but I was ok. So I called my mom and asked her to come and shave my head since there was no salon I wanted to go to on a Monday (all the open places were in the Mall and there was no freaking way I was going there to get my head shaved!).
February was a hard month, the chemo really took a toll on me as far as energy. I was so lethargic for the first 2 weeks and not much better the third week. On day 11, due to an infection they thought I had but ended up not being the case, I got part 2 of my first round and then I had a great time ;) Four days after the treatment I got sick with a fever and chills and other symptoms. Ended up in the ER Thursday and Friday nights. Was finally prescribed antibiotics, which seemed to help, and went about my business as I had been for the past few weeks.
March arrived after my 2nd round of chemo, which went much better due to the administration being slowed down again. Much better, but not great. Some side effects again, but at least no vomiting at all with this combination of drugs, and for that I am grateful. Part 2 caused the same situation as last time but it started on day 3. Went to the ER again, got antibiotics. Next day met with Dr. Foley at the cancer clinic and he helped with figuring out what is going on. It seems I am having a toxic effect to the one chemo drug that I am administered on that Part 2 day. SO, now later this week we will see what things look like and go from there. I am wondering if maybe they will give me the corticosteroid with the chemo drug and for a few days after to eliminate this reaction or if I will be on the steroid orally for many days following the treatment. Just what I need, more drugs, but what am I going to do.
So right now, work is on hold, again. Life is on hold, again. But I am trying to keep busy. Trying to clean up the house, planning for spring and doing stuff in the yard, trying to get my finances into a better situation, and working on creative pursuits like dancing (of course) and drawing and maybe even some painting. I just might get back to writing again sometime too. Who knows. LOL
Right now I am just trying to keep my head up, my chin up and keep plodding along like I have somewhere to go. :D
Oh and currently I have that internal soundtrack playing in my head again. All the music that I have encountered in the day, whether consciously or unconsciously heard, replays in my head at all sorts of times. But thats ok, can be quite entertaining. I just wonder if anyone else has had that happen to them during chemotherapy?
October saw my health issues continue, just in a little bit different manner. The spot that showed up during radiation finally was removed and confirmed to be more cancer. Not all of it was removed at the time so I ended up with surgery where a lumpectomy was performed on my left breast. The pathology was good in that margins were clear. I asked about chemo again and was told that it wasn't something the doctor was thinking was necessary.
In November my Grandfather had a fall that put him in the hospital, but he didn't break anything thankfully. However he was in a lot of pain, and it ended with his passing a couple weeks after the fall. The funeral was pretty big, got to see a lot of family that I hadn't seen in a very long time. Saw others who I didn't recognize but they knew who I was, as is often the case when we have gatherings like this. I got to carry my Grandfather home in my lap after the funeral, he was cremated and due to the time of year he will be interred when the weather is nicer. When he got home we set him in his easy chair for a few hours and then he was set upon the entertainment center where he could keep his eye on both the living room and the kitchen and not miss any part of the activity at the house.
I didn't realize how much I miss him until my Grandma came to visit this past week, and he wasn't with her. But I am glad that I got to spend so much time with him last summer when I went down for those few days to help out while my Grandma went into the hospital for some surgery.
Also in November I went to Regina's Tribal Fest again. It was great. We got to try out so much and the performance was great. Did a little bit of shopping that was also good. I am looking forward to the next one.
Another November event was starting work again. It felt so good to have a routine again, and to be earning a real pay cheque. I started at South Country Village again, I love working with seniors and working as a Nurse's Aide. I was also reinstated at Next Step after much difficulty, however it was only on a casual basis. I got one shift in November with them.
December brought more health concerns as another spot showed up in my skin and I also consulted with a surgical oncologist in Calgary to see about bilateral mastectomy surgery as prevention for future recurrences. Had a good consult with the doctor, made an appointment to see a plastic surgeon as it was looking like I might need a skin graft to close part of the area that would be removed.
Christmas/Yule was good, quiet. Spent with family here in town. New Years was also good as I went with my Dad and sister Jennifer to Pincher Creek to see my Aunt Bonnie. We had a good 3 day visit, saw the mountains a bit and the countryside. Took lots of pictures. It was great to visit with my aunt and to see the mountains, its only been 20 years since I was in the Rockies, even if we were just on the edge of them (stopped at Castle Mountain Ski Resort).
I also was hired with REDI this month, accepted a full-time position working with various clients, taking them out for events and appointments etc. But I didn't get any hours for December, but the position would start in January. I was finding the physicality of the job at the nursing home too much for me right now and I had to make a change. This is unfortunate, but necessary for my physical well-being right now.
January brought another trip to Calgary for feedback from my surgical oncologist as there are more skin metastases on my left breast/axilla area. Some biopsies were performed and then I just had to wait for results. But I knew what it would say. I was right. More cancer, in the breast and the skin and at least one lymphnode. So it was planned that I would have a mastectomy of the left breast ASAP. Had a consult with a plastic surgeon (the original was booked for Feb but I got in to see him a few days after my meeting with the surgical oncologist. Surgery was booked for early Feb.
January brought the start of work with my new job at REDI. It was a busy month and it was great to experience that variety of the work.
**oh and can I tell you how angry I was at this point? I was angry enough to spit nails and then some. I am still angry, but not as bad as I was in January and early Feb. **
February brought me a flurry of phone calls with many members of my "medical team". It also spelled the end of my schedule, as I had to take leave from work until we determined how my treatment would progress as surgery was booked for the 8th of Feb/08.
Five days before the surgery I was informed that I may not be getting my surgery yet. So Tuesday 5 Feb/08 I met with my local oncologist to discuss what was going on. The recommendation was that I do chemotherapy first then surgery as was discussed by the Tumor Board in Calgary (he and my surgical oncologist are both members, among other doctors). So I decided to go with the chemo and then the surgery afterwards, whenever that may be.
So on 6 Feb/08 I had my first chemo treament of a new set of drugs that will be administered on a 3 week cycle again, but will entail a treatment on Day 1 and Day 8 of 21. Then it will all start over again at the end of the 3 weeks.
Two weeks after the first treatment my hair fell out, it had been slowly falling out for a few days and I had hoped to make it through the weekend before going to get it shaved off. But I shouldn't have waited, on Monday I had a coffee date for 2 pm and when I went to wash my hair it all clumped up on my head and I couldn't get it to loosen or anything. The next thing I knew I was literally pulling my hair out. After 5 minutes of leaning over the tub I decided to take a look and let me just say, I looked like I was a 90 year old woman as I had maybe about 200 hairs left all over my head! If it hadn't been for the fact that I have been bald before I probably would've freaked out. As it was I wasn't exactly happy about it but I was ok. So I called my mom and asked her to come and shave my head since there was no salon I wanted to go to on a Monday (all the open places were in the Mall and there was no freaking way I was going there to get my head shaved!).
February was a hard month, the chemo really took a toll on me as far as energy. I was so lethargic for the first 2 weeks and not much better the third week. On day 11, due to an infection they thought I had but ended up not being the case, I got part 2 of my first round and then I had a great time ;) Four days after the treatment I got sick with a fever and chills and other symptoms. Ended up in the ER Thursday and Friday nights. Was finally prescribed antibiotics, which seemed to help, and went about my business as I had been for the past few weeks.
March arrived after my 2nd round of chemo, which went much better due to the administration being slowed down again. Much better, but not great. Some side effects again, but at least no vomiting at all with this combination of drugs, and for that I am grateful. Part 2 caused the same situation as last time but it started on day 3. Went to the ER again, got antibiotics. Next day met with Dr. Foley at the cancer clinic and he helped with figuring out what is going on. It seems I am having a toxic effect to the one chemo drug that I am administered on that Part 2 day. SO, now later this week we will see what things look like and go from there. I am wondering if maybe they will give me the corticosteroid with the chemo drug and for a few days after to eliminate this reaction or if I will be on the steroid orally for many days following the treatment. Just what I need, more drugs, but what am I going to do.
So right now, work is on hold, again. Life is on hold, again. But I am trying to keep busy. Trying to clean up the house, planning for spring and doing stuff in the yard, trying to get my finances into a better situation, and working on creative pursuits like dancing (of course) and drawing and maybe even some painting. I just might get back to writing again sometime too. Who knows. LOL
Right now I am just trying to keep my head up, my chin up and keep plodding along like I have somewhere to go. :D
Oh and currently I have that internal soundtrack playing in my head again. All the music that I have encountered in the day, whether consciously or unconsciously heard, replays in my head at all sorts of times. But thats ok, can be quite entertaining. I just wonder if anyone else has had that happen to them during chemotherapy?
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Crazy
Ok, just had to share this, I will expand it later cuz I have to get to bed....
Went to the movies with my sis tonight, on the way home noticed this car at a dealership was pointing in a funny direction. I thought it was just one of those fancy displays showing how some new 4x4 can handle steep angles, then I noticed that the headlights were on and someone was inside. Well, looks like someone drove forward when they should've backed up and drove off the retaining wall. Anyway...will do this entry justice later, gotta run...
Went to the movies with my sis tonight, on the way home noticed this car at a dealership was pointing in a funny direction. I thought it was just one of those fancy displays showing how some new 4x4 can handle steep angles, then I noticed that the headlights were on and someone was inside. Well, looks like someone drove forward when they should've backed up and drove off the retaining wall. Anyway...will do this entry justice later, gotta run...
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