All morning and so far this afternoon my feet have been cold. I had chicken noodle soup and it only warmed me up for a few minutes and then back to being cold. Grrr. We are in the middle of a spring snow event, there is a lot of snow on the ground already and there is more to come. Some reports say up to a total of 100 cm by the time this system moves on. LOL but we need the moisture so badly I certainly won't complain. It is so beautiful out there, but the roads are wicked. I will take some pictures of the piles later, and I will have to shovel my car out today some time since I have a lab appointment at 8am tomorrow morning and I would prefer not having to fight my way to the car and into the car that early in the morning. As it is, there will be more by then anyhow, but I should get a small jump on things now before its really bad (ok, its really bad already LOL).
I don't know why my feet have been cold, they have been like that off and on for the past few days. Probably chemo side effects, as I am having other side effects that are really ticking me off. The biggest problem lately has been my stomach again. No nausea, although some days I would welcome puking, but I feel like I have eaten a huge Christmas dinner, all day, almost every day. And yet I have hardly eaten anything. I have tried all sorts of things to make it stop, including the medication I was prescribed, and none of it is working. Even fluids aren't good, but bread or other carbs seem to be the worst. And I have been sooooo tired and weak this past week. I had treatment 4 part 1 Monday the 14th and part 2 will be tomorrow on the 21st. I am not looking forward to feeling like shit again, not that I haven't felt like shit all week, but I don't want to get worse. Thursday I have an appointment in Calgary with my surgeon and then I might have a better idea of where things are headed. I don't know yet if I am looking at more chemo first or straight to surgery after this last treatment. On the one hand I don't want the surgery yet, but I also don't want anymore chemo either.
I want my life, my routine back to normal! I miss work and earning my paycheque. I am trying really hard to keep busy but with the fatigue its really been hard.
Ok, a little more griping: I sick of my neighbors, they are always banging stuff and dropping stuff on the floor or something. I am tired of people being lazy and throwing their cigarette butts in my yard, get an ash tray! or eat them. Disgusting! My car is making strange noises and is burning oil, I think it may be the fuel pump going as the car keeps hesitating when I give it gas.
Now for the good stuff:
I love the snow. I love my cat and don't know what I would do without her. I am thankful for my family and friends. I think the angel fish I got a little bit ago are cool but they need some company in the tank, I love watching them and so does Freya. I bought some flowering plants just before the snow hit and they are beautiful sitting in my living room, and the fern I got is really cute.
Ok, I think I am going to go put some socks on now. :D
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
The Bad and The Good
So first the Bad.
Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine from high school passed away. She was my first roommate, a friend, a coworker and then we lost touch. Recently, through Facebook we connected again and got chatting a bit. We even met for supper while I was in Calgary for radiation in last September.
It was after radiation was finished and I was home that Lauryl told me that she had cancer again. She had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma twice in her early twenties and the radiation treatments had caused a secondary cancer: lung cancer with a tumor around her aorta. We talked a lot about what the doctors had found and what their recommended courses of action might be. I hope what little support I could give was helpful for her. She recently had radiation to settle things down I guess, because since we talked about it in the fall, sometime since after the new year it had spread to her bones. She went on a trip to Disneyland in March with her family and then started chemo about a week ago (the 28th I believe). I know she was in a lot of pain but was hoping that she would have more time. I hadn't heard from her for a while so on 1st April I sent her a message on Facebook and figured I give her a week to resopond and then call her on the phone. She died on the 2nd of April. A mutual friend of ours, Nat, called me yesterday right after talking to Lauryl's mom to let me know she had passed away. Nat is my longest friend, she is the only highschool friend I've had consistent contact with since highschool ended. And Nat and Lauryl were very close back then, they attended the same highschool together, where I went to a different one.
I can't believe she died so quickly, and despite the fact that life had moved us apart over time I am still going to miss her and I am deeply saddened by her passing. I have been very easy to cry since I got the news, and anxious today, this has scared me since I am still fighting my cancer. It scares me that I might go that fast. I have things to do, like clean/clear my house, cuz I don't want to leave all that work for my family to take care of (for one thing). But I have so many other things I want to do like travel and read and learn and dance and...LIVE.
May you have peace and be pain free Lauryl, we will all miss you.
So now a little bit of Good.
I went to a ballet tonight, The Phantom of the Opera by the Atlantic Ballet Theatre of Canada, with my best friend Shonna. There was a wine tasting with masquerade before the show, it was great. There were a few people dressed up on stilts and masks, they were probably 11 ft tall with these tiny, tiny little feet. But they walked around and swooped people with their cloaks, they would stand still propped against a wall or pillar and then move, so at first you might think they were statues but there were people under the costuming and masks. I got swooped a few times, it was fun :D
I tried out 4 wines, the wine tasting was that you got an ounce of a wine and then you could go for a different one. You bought food and wine tickets and got to have a plate of hors d'oeuvres and an empty wine glass to take to the wine tables for a taste of 4 wines at each table. The best one I had was a Spanish wine, and it was the most expensive one lol but thats ok. The other tables were from France, Germany and Italy. I had all reds and I liked the German wine the second best. The food was great, very good nibblies.
Now for the show. The show was great, very interesting, wonderful concept and the music was very appropriate. The flow of the story was done very nicely and the set work was minimal but full of impact. The use of the 3-sided panels that had different faces on each side were great, and so was the final curtain backdrop and the use of projected images several times.
So for a great evening I must say a big Thank You to Shonna as it was her treat to go tonight. It was a great diversion from the bad news and was a great time for another new experience!
Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine from high school passed away. She was my first roommate, a friend, a coworker and then we lost touch. Recently, through Facebook we connected again and got chatting a bit. We even met for supper while I was in Calgary for radiation in last September.
It was after radiation was finished and I was home that Lauryl told me that she had cancer again. She had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma twice in her early twenties and the radiation treatments had caused a secondary cancer: lung cancer with a tumor around her aorta. We talked a lot about what the doctors had found and what their recommended courses of action might be. I hope what little support I could give was helpful for her. She recently had radiation to settle things down I guess, because since we talked about it in the fall, sometime since after the new year it had spread to her bones. She went on a trip to Disneyland in March with her family and then started chemo about a week ago (the 28th I believe). I know she was in a lot of pain but was hoping that she would have more time. I hadn't heard from her for a while so on 1st April I sent her a message on Facebook and figured I give her a week to resopond and then call her on the phone. She died on the 2nd of April. A mutual friend of ours, Nat, called me yesterday right after talking to Lauryl's mom to let me know she had passed away. Nat is my longest friend, she is the only highschool friend I've had consistent contact with since highschool ended. And Nat and Lauryl were very close back then, they attended the same highschool together, where I went to a different one.
I can't believe she died so quickly, and despite the fact that life had moved us apart over time I am still going to miss her and I am deeply saddened by her passing. I have been very easy to cry since I got the news, and anxious today, this has scared me since I am still fighting my cancer. It scares me that I might go that fast. I have things to do, like clean/clear my house, cuz I don't want to leave all that work for my family to take care of (for one thing). But I have so many other things I want to do like travel and read and learn and dance and...LIVE.
May you have peace and be pain free Lauryl, we will all miss you.
So now a little bit of Good.
I went to a ballet tonight, The Phantom of the Opera by the Atlantic Ballet Theatre of Canada, with my best friend Shonna. There was a wine tasting with masquerade before the show, it was great. There were a few people dressed up on stilts and masks, they were probably 11 ft tall with these tiny, tiny little feet. But they walked around and swooped people with their cloaks, they would stand still propped against a wall or pillar and then move, so at first you might think they were statues but there were people under the costuming and masks. I got swooped a few times, it was fun :D
I tried out 4 wines, the wine tasting was that you got an ounce of a wine and then you could go for a different one. You bought food and wine tickets and got to have a plate of hors d'oeuvres and an empty wine glass to take to the wine tables for a taste of 4 wines at each table. The best one I had was a Spanish wine, and it was the most expensive one lol but thats ok. The other tables were from France, Germany and Italy. I had all reds and I liked the German wine the second best. The food was great, very good nibblies.
Now for the show. The show was great, very interesting, wonderful concept and the music was very appropriate. The flow of the story was done very nicely and the set work was minimal but full of impact. The use of the 3-sided panels that had different faces on each side were great, and so was the final curtain backdrop and the use of projected images several times.
So for a great evening I must say a big Thank You to Shonna as it was her treat to go tonight. It was a great diversion from the bad news and was a great time for another new experience!
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